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One of the biggest things that you’re likely to fuss over when planning a wedding ceremony, is the wedding vows. But there's a good reason for this. Those vows are essentially the “contract” between you and your significant other, a promise to love and support one another through whatever life throws at you.
But why do we have wedding vows?
In this post we’re going to explore what wedding vows mean and hopefully offer up some useful answers and tips to help you plan your big day.
It’s said that the oldest traditional wedding vows can be traced back to the manuals of the medieval church.
Traditionally, once a marriage had been agreed, the Church of England would usually offer couples a choice. The couple could promise to "love and cherish" each other or, alternatively, the groom promises to "love, cherish, and worship", and the bride would promise to "love, cherish, and obey". Over time, these traditional vows largely remained the same with some minor changes as views on marriage changed.
Nowadays, wedding vows can mean different things to different people, but the basis of vows is to express how the couple intend to navigate marriage. They should highlight how you feel about the person you’re marrying and how you plan to work together as you move forward into married life.
They are a promise to work hard at living out this intent, no matter how challenging things may get, because of your love and commitment to each other.
In today's society, marriage vows are not legally binding. However, because the vows shape the foundation of the marriage, they should be carefully chosen with truth and should accurately depict what the couple desires to create in their relationship.
Knowing when to say your vows in your wedding ceremony can depend on what route you’ve decided to take.
There are three basic options; you can choose to say your vows yourself after an introduction from the officiant/vicar - this is probably the toughest option as you’ll likely be super nervous and the last thing you’ll want to do is mess up! You can choose to repeat them line by line, or you could go for the “I do” option where the officiant/vicar will ask such questions as “do you promise to love and cherish…” and you’ll say “I do” as a response.
Traditionally, the groom would say his vows first. Regardless of whether you’ve chosen to speak your vows yourself, or you’ve chosen a different route, the groom would go first followed by the bride. These days, it’s not uncommon for some couples to say their vows together as a nod to an equal partnership.
As we noted earlier in the post, wedding vows can be found in religious ceremonies as far back as medieval times. Thought to be a tradition founded in the Church of England sect of Christianity, there are many other traditional wedding vows from different religions, too.
Though there are variations amongst the different religions, they all share one common principal; to promise that you will uphold the values within the vows. One of the most popular sets of vows (and the ones you’ll most likely read if you stick to traditional Church of England vows) will go something along the lines of:
“I [Name] take you [Name] to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy law. In the presence of God I make this vow.”
You can then expect to say the following when exchanging wedding rings: “[Name] I give you this ring as a sign of our marriage. With my body I honour you, all that I am I give to you, and all that I have I share with you, within the love of God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit.”
Catholic wedding vows will vary slightly, but the message conveyed remains the same. You can expect these to go something like this: “I [Name] take you [Name] to be my wife/husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honour you all the days of my life.”
Absolutely! While traditional wedding vows are very structured and somewhat impersonal, writing your own vows means that you don’t have to be so strict and they’ll be totally unique to you and your partner.
However, this tends to be a more appropriate choice for a non-denominational wedding or civil ceremony. The Catholic church can be a little more strict in terms of the vows you’re able to say within the ceremony. Often, they will provide you with a list of “approved” vows which can be somewhat tailored to suit you as a couple, this will however need to be agreed by a priest.
If you’ve decided that writing your own vows is definitely what you want to do, there might be certain questions that arise. Questions such as “Can wedding vows be funny?” or “Can wedding vows be a story?”. The answer to both of these questions, is yes. They’re personal to you and your partner and should fully reflect that. To help you get started, here are some tips for writing your own wedding vows:
It might seem like a no brainer, but it’s an easy one to forget when you get wrapped up in the finer details of putting your vows together.
Most vows, whether traditional or personal, will touch on the fact that you’ll stick together through whatever life throws at you. Reassurance is the key here.
They don’t have to be huge things, but promises you know your partner will fully appreciate that are personal to you.
The worst thing you can do is rush the writing of your vows. Take some time to really think about what you want to say, and it’ll give you a chance to fully rehearse them too.
Even if you assume other people with think they’re cheesy, don’t worry, these are your vows after all!
Most wedding vows are around one minute long per person. This equates to around 150 to 200 words depending on how quickly you say them. To that end, you don’t want to rush them, so be sure to write as many drafts as you need. Practice with a live audience and ask for constructive feedback, this way, you’ll know exactly how you’ll say them on your big day.
Your wedding day is likely to be the biggest, most nerve wracking day of your life. Add to that the writing of wedding vows and it’s easy to let nerves get the better of you. But if there’s one thing about writing your own wedding vows, it’s knowing every word is from the heart and there’s no better feeling than letting your soulmate know just how much they mean to you.