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Weddings are such a prominent part of our social calender that it’s easy to forget how extraordinary they are. Even if human beings aren’t the only animal that mates for life, they’re certainly the only ones to dress in white, exchange rings, cut oversized cakes and blindly throw bouquets into hordes of excitable bachelorettes. So where did these traditions come from? And how have they changed in recent times?
The best evidence we have suggests that our ancestors of a few million years ago didn’t have much use for marriage. Living in tight-knit roaming groups of around 30 hunter-gatherers, males and females would have likely shared just about everything, including partners. Much like the bonobos of today, they’d have been constantly moving from place to place in search of new food sources and mating opportunities. Monogamy just wouldn’t have been practical!
Hundreds of thousands of years ago, things started to change. The precise cause of this change is a subject that’s hotly debated among anthropologists. One theory suggests that the growth of the brain and skull in human babies led to earlier births (which is why human babies are helpless and giraffes can walk around shortly after emerging). To survive, these big-headed helpless babies needed devoted parents, and so human behaviour evolved to accommodate that need.
Another change came with the development of agriculture and the division of labour between men and women. With humans becoming dependent on a given spot of land for food, they had little incentive to wander off in search of new partners. The earliest forms of marriage would prove useful as a way of establishing who owned what land, and which children would inherit which property.
As early societies became more sophisticated, a whole set of rules governing marriage emerged, covering everything from adultery to inheritance. These rules were codified by states and religious bodies, and the ceremonies that kick-start a marriage came to be.
Some of these traditions varied over time, but others, like the exchange of rings, have remained fairly constant. The first recorded use of rings dates to around 2,800 BCE, in Ancient Egypt. Other traditions, like the white bridal gown and the diamond engagement ring, came later.
In recent times, weddings have changed dramatically, and many of these changes reflect societal, economic and technological developments.
The wedding of Victoria and Albert had cemented a white gown as the attire-of-choice for most British brides. Wedding photos of the time show brides standing behind seated grooms, reflecting a patriarchal society.
By the 1910s, the Suffragist movement had gathered significant momentum, and women were beginning to assert themselves while planning their weddings. The invention of the phonograph made music accessible to the masses, and thus dancing became an inescapable part of the celebrations.
After the end of the First World War emerged the Jazz Age, during which couples on both sides of the Atlantic were eager to flaunt their wealth and have a good time. Weddings became more informal during the 20s, and more couples decided to elope to get married.
After the Jazz age came the great depression. This was an important decade for jewellers: in the late 30s, the De Beers diamond corporation enlisted an ad agency called N.W. Ayer, who set about establishing the idea that a diamond ring should cost a month’s salary.
Wartime caused wedding-planners to tighten their purse-strings. Receptions were toned down, often consisting of little more than a cake and a few speeches. Brides would use recycled fabrics to create their dresses, and weddings would be conducted shortly before the groom was sent off to war. De Beers coined the slogan ‘a diamond is forever’ which proved so effective that a Bond film was named after it.
After the upheaval of the previous few decades, couples yearned to reacquaint themselves with tradition. This trend was exemplified by the union of JFK and Jaqueline Bouvier, during which the groom wore a morning suit and the bride wore her grandmother’s veil. Church services became more popular, and hemlines rose to display increasingly-popular bridal shoes.
The 60s saw the emergence of the miniskirt, which gave dressmakers reason to flaunt a little bit more leg. The formality of the 50s relaxed a little, and designers began to experiment with bolder colours.
The seventies saw ceremonies get more adventurous. Grooms began to wear coloured tuxedos, while lace dresses began to get longer and frillier. Some brides even elected to walk down the aisle wearing trouser-suits!
Probably the most famous wedding of the 1980s was that of Charles and Diana. The dress featured a 25ft train and more than ten-thousand sequins. The entire ceremony typified the maximalist approach of the era: everything was bigger and showier than ever before. The decade also saw N.W. Ayer launch another campaign, declaring that a diamond engagement ring should cost two months’ salary rather than just one.
Depictions of weddings in film and television saw wedding budgets explode in the 90s. Rather than spending a few hundred pounds on hiring out the local pub, couples were increasingly ready to shell out thousands on a hotel reception. It was in the middle of the decade that the minimalist approach begin to kick in, with gowns becoming slimmer and more practical.
Several wedding traditions and customs have come together to form the ceremony we all recognise. As you might expect, they’ve changed considerably over the years.
Brides wear white, which was traditionally supposed to mark their virginity. In the 21st century, this tends to be figurative rather than literal – and while a few brides choose to buck tradition and wear a different colour, white remains remarkably popular.
The tradition of a bride throwing her bouquet into a waiting crowd of female well-wishers is a relatively recent one, having emerged to spare the bride from having parts of the bouquet stolen for ‘luck’ by superstitious bridesmaids.
According to tradition the groom is required to ask two questions rather than just one - they’d have to pop the question to the would-be bride, but they’d also have to ask the father of the bride for permission to do so. Of course, this practice is a bit outdated, as it presumes that the father has any real say in the matter (although it is still quite commonly observed).
Similarly, the role of the father of the bride has long been to ‘give’ his daughter away, but an increasing number of women view this as proprietorial and outdated. The custom, after all, can trace its origins to a time where women were indeed offered in exchange for land and titles. The bride’s choice of accompaniment tends to reflect her circumstances. If she feels closer to her mother, then she might well ask the mother to take the walk down the aisle, or even go it alone.
Another tradition comes from the notion of dowry. Historically, unmarried women placed a burden on the family, and thus the bride’s family would literally pay the groom to marry an available daughter. This practice has persisted, subtly, with the notion that the bride’s family should pay for the wedding. But this is hardly fair, particularly if the groom’s family are wealthier.
As a result, the contribution of each family tends to be more egalitarian - either 50-50, or according to the ability of each to pay. Often, families won’t contribute at all and the bride and groom will be solely responsible for funding their big day.
In the 21st century, we’ve become more aware and accepting of our differences. Of course, we’ve seen the emergence of same-sex marriages, but there are more inter-faith marriages these days, too.
What’s more, since a larger proportion of couples have been married before, or have children from previous relationships, there’s more opportunity to give the kids a role in the ceremony.
In addition, a ceremony’s individual touches are often a little more subtle. Everything from the choice of flowers, to the chair-covers, to the placemats, offers an opportunity for customisation. As such, couples are far more willing to provide their unique spin on proceedings.
Increasingly, technology plays a role in shaping our day-to-day lives, and weddings are more vulnerable than ever. Image-sharing services like Instagram and Pinterest make it simple for wedding planners to seek inspiration. Social media is also a fantastic way to build hype for the ceremony and keep everyone informed – even if you risk overdoing it.
Mercifully, the public have become aware of the ‘bridezilla’ phenomenon, and thus modern weddings tend to be a little more inclusive. Couples, naturally, don’t want to be viewed as self-absorbed menaces, and so they’ve engineered their weddings to be fun and memorable for everyone attending, rather than just themselves.
Some traditions, like that of posting a wedding invitation, look set to be with us for a while yet - and this is surely a good thing – after all, who wants to send out their wedding invitations with the click of a mouse?
Shopping for a wedding present? Why not gift them their favourite tipple in a personalised wedding bottle boxor give a custom wedding chocolate box?
