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Your big day has arrived and the anticipation of the hours ahead is giving you serious jitters. You’ve planned for months, maybe even years for this, and you’ve drilled down every minute detail with military precision.
There’s one thing you can’t totally control, however, and that’s the wedding speeches. Other than deciding who will be speaking and when, you just have to sit back, relax, and hope for the best.
While there are lots of traditions and expectations around wedding speeches, it’s fine to break the rules and do things the way you want. That said, when it comes to wedding speech etiquette, there are a few do’s and don’ts that you might want to suggest to those involved.
We’re going to take a look at what wedding speech rules you might want to impose as well as classic wedding speech traditions, such as who would ordinarily give a wedding speech, and in what order. While these rules and traditions might not be totally suitable for your big day, we’re certain that whatever happens, any speech given at your wedding will be memorable for all the right reasons - so don’t fret too much!
Traditionally, wedding speeches are given by the father of the bride, the groom, and then the best man. If however this doesn’t quite suit your situation, amendments can be made to include other members of the wedding party. Many couples today are bucking this trend and including speeches from the bride, the maid of honour, and even the mother of the bride.
The most important thing is deciding who will be speaking at your wedding way ahead of time. This will give your speakers appropriate time to prepare and rehearse what they want to say. In doing so, they’ll be able to make any changes needed before it’s too late.
If you’d like to follow tradition, wedding speeches usually take place in this order.
The first speech would normally be given by the father of the bride. They effectively act as the warm up man for your wedding reception, and are in charge of welcoming everyone to his daughter’s big day.
Next up is the groom. The groom would ordinarily be the one to talk about his new wife and thank her for her hand in marriage. He’d also thank the father of the groom for his speech. The groom’s speech should be super heartfelt; the perfect opportunity to earn those extra brownie points!
Lastly, the best man would round off the speeches. It’s standard for the best man speech to be a witty ode to the groom with humorous anecdotes and one-liners. It should also be a thoughtful acknowledgement of a sincere friendship; the perfect chance to let that bromance shine!
Obviously, if you’re breaking tradition with regards to who’s giving the speeches, don’t be afraid to mix up the order a little. However, ending on a comedic note is a great way to get the party started after the meal.
It’s standard for wedding speeches to start at the end of the meal. Occasionally, the father of the bride will give his speech prior to the meal, as it’s the perfect opportunity to thank people for coming.
Increasingly, some couples are opting to have all of the wedding speeches at the beginning of the meal as this means the speakers will be able to relax and enjoy the rest of the evening without having to worry about their upcoming “performance”.
It’s also worth considering the time of day your wedding breakfast takes place. If you plan to leave a lengthy gap between the ceremony and the meal, guests may not want to sit through several speeches before they can eat. If this is the case, breaking up the speeches rather than having them all at once might be a better solution. You may choose to have one between each course (especially since this will provide entertainment throughout the meal, too).
Public speaking isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but if your speakers are happy to run with the task in hand, then the length of speech should be a priority. Each speech needs to be long enough to convey the desired sentiments, but not so long that the rest of your guests start to fall asleep in their dinner.
It’s understandable that some might think the perfect speech is a long one, as they try to reference every detail about the lives of the bride and groom. However, it’s customary that a speech should be no more than 10 minutes; any longer and you run the risk of people losing interest.
Once your speakers have written their speeches, ensure they rehearse them numerous times so they can gauge their length and make and adjustments if needed. If your plan is to do the speeches all in one go, then it might be best to consider shorter speeches so that everyone remains focused from beginning to end.
If you’re at a bit of a loss as to who should say what in their speech, our handy guide should help.
Father of the Bride
Professing their love for their daughter is something most dads will be keen to do, so the father of the bride speech is the perfect opportunity to let loose. The speech shouldn’t be limited to just this, though. As we mentioned before, the speech should be treated as the warm up for the rest of your guests, offering them a heartfelt welcome and thanking them for joining you on your special day.
Below is a list of what to include in a father of the bride speech:
Start with a special thank you for those that were heavily involved in the organisation of the wedding. Specifics, however, should be left to the groom.
The main point of the speech should be to remind the guests how great his daughter is. Include funny stories from the bride’s childhood as well as notable moments from her adult life. It should be sincere and said with love, but there’s no need to get too mushy - those moments should be personal!
Also mention the groom and talk about how happy you are that he’s officially joining the family.
The speech should be concluded with a toast to the new couple. Traditionally the toast would be to the “health and happiness of the bride and groom” but nowadays, people often welcome something different.
One thing to avoid is talking about money, even if it’s meant in jest! Weddings tend to be a pricey affair, but talking about the cost could make other guests feel a little awkward.
Groom
The groom’s speech should be the main focus and pack the most punch, so to speak. As we mentioned, the groom is the one to talk about how great his new wife is, as well as do most of the individual thank yous. Here’s our list of what to include in a groom’s speech:
The speech should begin with a thank you to the father of the bride - especially if he’s just waxed lyrical about how great his new son-in-law is.
Both sets of parents should be thanked. One set raised the groom and the other raised the most wonderful woman in the world (another opportunity to earn some major brownie points).
Traditionally, the groom would thank the individuals in the wedding party, such as the ushers, best man, and the bridesmaids. Depending on the size of the wedding party you might want to consider trying to work out how to give sincere thanks without naming everyone individually. Be careful it doesn’t turn into some kind of Oscar’s speech.
Once the thank yous are over, the core of the speech should be to profess how much love the groom has for his new wife. It’s the one chance to really shout (not literally) about how fabulous she is.
Round off the speech by thanking the bridesmaids – that is, unless they were thanked earlier in the speech, in which case something more creative and relatable to the rest of the wedding guests should go down well.
Best Man
The best man’s speech should serve to lighten the mood. It should provide the laughs and let the rest of the guests know how much the groom and his new wife mean to him. What goes into a best man speech can be found below:
The best man should compliment the groom’s choice of wife. Bonus points for inclusion of a funny story (or two).
Traditionally the best man would read out any messages from friends and family who couldn’t attend the wedding, but that’s becoming less common. This is however something that should be discussed with the bride and groom first as a matter of privacy.
Be sure to keep the humour granny and child-friendly (talk of exes and “in jokes” won’t go down well with the other guests if they’re not familiar). Jokes can be tongue-in-cheek but don’t be too saucy! Swearing is also a big no-no.
The best man wouldn’t typically toast the new couple, however it’s a good way to round off a speech. It can also be done in conjunction with announcing the cutting of the cake, which would usually happen just before it’s time to party the night away.
Here are a few additional tips that can help when planning your speeches:
Be sure to let the speakers know which order they’ll be going in. Not knowing who does what and when can mean mistakes are made, and the last thing you want is a flustered friend or relative.
Once they know the running order, ask your speakers to work together. In doing so, they can avoid duplicating anecdotes and can use each other’s speeches as ques for their own speech.
If the speeches are to be given as a block, ask the previous speaker to introduce the next. So for example, ask the father of the bride to introduce the groom, and so on.
If your speakers aren’t familiar with public speaking, ask them to gather an audience for some practice beforehand. Reading it to yourself in the mirror is a very different experience to reading it to a room full of people.
Watch the word count. It’s standard for people to read around 130 words per minute, so when it comes to writing a speech, a total word count of around 750 should be enough to fill a suitable time frame. Any more and you may find it drags on (stick to a rule of no more than 10 minutes per speech).
Speeches are an integral part of most weddings, so getting them right is vital. Whether you decide to stick with tradition or go for something a little more unconventional, we hope our wedding speech etiquette guide comes in handy for your big day.
